You know . . .

I had a rather startling realization today that left me tap-dancing on the edge. I'm still upset but I've done all that I can do to take care of the matter. That said, I decided to go through my archives and found something I stashed long ago that gave me some giggles and it still does -- probably 'cause they're pretty much true. I hope y'all laugh, too.

You know that you're from Ohio if . . .

* You think all Pro football teams are supposed to wear orange.

* You know all the 4 seasons: winter, still winter, almost winter and
construction.

* You live less than 30 miles from some college or university.

* You know what a "buckeye" really is, and have a recipe for candy ones.

* "Toward the lake" means "North" and "toward the river" means "South."

* You know if other Ohioans are from southern or northern Ohio as soon as
they open their mouths.

* "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer
hunting in the fall.

* You know what succotash is.

* You measure distance in minutes.

* Your school was closed because of cold.

* Your school was closed because of heat.

* Schools close for the state basketball tournament. Deer
season, too

* You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

* You end your sentences with an unnecessary preposition. Example:
"Where's my coat at?"

* You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

* You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and
Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

* You carry jumper cables in your car.

* You know what "pop" is.

* You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

* Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled
with snow.

* The local paper covers national and international headlines on one
page but requires six pages for sports.

* If someone says something you don't understand or hear, you say
"Please?"

* You call it Krogers even though it is Kroger.

* You actually know how to pronounce Cuyahoga.

* You see Christmas lights up in July.

* You wear shorts the first day of the year it isn't below zero and
snowing . . . just because you can.

* You know where "the Jake" and "the 'Shoe" are.

* You know what The Tribe is.

* You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightgown.

* You find -20 degrees F "a little chilly".

* You know what should be knee-high by the Fourth of July.

* You can spell and pronounce words like Cuyahoga, Olentangy, Bellefontaine, Tuscarawas, Wapakoneta and you know which letter is doubled in Cincinnati.

* "Vacation" means spending a day at Cedar Point in the summer and deer
hunting in the fall.

* You don't think of Florida first when someone mentions Miami.

* You've heard of 3.2% beer (and if you're old enough, you drank it!)

* You're proud of your state fair, but would rather go to Cedar Point.

* You root for a college team though you've never taken a class there.
(Go Bucs!)

* You've heard of the Great Nickel Beer Night Riot.

* You know what game they're playing when the Mud Hens take on the
Clippers.

* Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway.

* Down south to you means Kentucky or West Virginia.

* You know that Serpent Mound was not made by snakes.

* You know several people who have hit a deer.

* The only foreign car you see is the one you’re driving.

* Every person working out at the gym is wearing the same Ohio State
Buckeyes T-shirt.

* You've ridden the school bus for an hour each way.

* You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.

* You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one
in it no matter what time of the year.

* All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,
or grain.

* You know what "cow tipping" or "Possum Kicking" is.

* You only own 3 spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

* You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

* You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your Ohio friends.

* Isn't it sad? You just said "yup" and "uh-huh" or "ain't that the
truth?" to most of these!!!

Let's just say that I can identify with a lot of these because I've lived in more than one place in Ohio.

Hope y'all are having a great day!!!!

Happy Blogging!!!!

Kay

Quick Update

I am still seriously buried but tomorrow I should be getting back to normal. Here's a Maxine for y'all. Frustration has reigns and I might get some sleep someday!!! I think that I'd better do something about it.



Happy Blogging!!!!!

Kay

It's the Groaner of the Week!!!

Yeah, it's Monday again! I've been busy all weekend with assorted distractions like work and haven't been good at visiting y'all like the good little blogger I wish I were. I selected one of my all time favorites from the archives for your grooooooooooaaaaaaaaannnnning pleasure! LOL Enjoy!

There's a small German town near Munich called Pfilzerplatz, and the town is renowned for producing fine stationery. Anyway, Munich had a problem -- the thousands of stray dogs in the city were breeding with one another and overrunning the city. So the people of Munich banded together and ran the dogs out of the city.

Unfortunately, the dogs appeared in Pfilzerplatz. The dogs took over everything, and the mayor decided to evacuate the town. The paper mills were shut down, and everyone left.

But a couple days later, the townsfolk, watching their town from the hills, saw smoke rising from the smokestacks. They knew no humans were left in the town, so they concluded that the dogs had learned to operate the factories.

The mayor hurried to Munich's town hall and pleaded, "You've got to help us!

(now sing the punchline)

"The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich!"

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay

Happy Father's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[If I felt better, I'd write something original but alas! the bronchitis seems to have taken up residence. Hope this old thing I saved a couple eons ago gives you guys (& gals) a grin!]

Things You'll Never Hear Your Father Say:

10. Well, how 'bout that . . . I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know, Pumpkin, now that you're 13, you'll be ready for non-chaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude . . . I like that in a young person!
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car. GO CRAZY!
6. What do you mean you want to play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your mother and I are going away for while. You might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know-- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to the mechanic's and pay whatever they ask.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching and let's get to the mall.
2. Whaddaya want to go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? Ahhh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

Hope all you Dads out there have great day!!!!!!!!!!

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay

The Computer Swallowed Grandma

[The Man sent me this a while back and I think it's pretty cute. I'm still fighting with the bronchitis thing and suspect I might be getting better. I'm trying to rest when I'm not working so hopefully R & R the next couple days will help!]

The computer swallowed grandma.

Yes, honestly its true.

She pressed 'control' and 'enter'

And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,

The thought just makes me squirm.

She must have caught a virus

Or been eaten by a worm.

I've searched through the recycle bin

And files of every kind;

I've even used the internet,

But nothing did I find. In desperation,

I asked Jeeves

My searches to refine.

The reply from him was negative,

Not a thing was found 'online'.

So, if inside your 'Inbox,'

My Grandma you should see,

Please'Copy', 'Scan' and 'Paste' her

And send her back to me!

Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . only us grannies have computer addictions. I think the computer swallowed some grandpas, too!

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay

The Aging Lady Syndrome

(Since I'm still feeling like death -- but I am trying mightily to keep my promise to myself to post every day -- here's something I think is pretty cute that someone sent me long ago. Hope you enjoy it!)

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly didn't invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there and the next day she was.

She's a very clever old lady. She manages to keep out of sight mostly but, when I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And when I look in the mirror directly, to check my appearance, there she is, hogging the whole thing and obliterating my gorgeous face & body. This is so rude. I have tried screaming at her to stop but she just screams back, grimacing horribly. She's really quite frightening!

If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay a little rent. But, noooooo! Once in a while I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but I think she's stealing money from me. I go the ATM and draw $100 and a few days later, it's gone. I certainly don't spend money that fast, so I can only conclude that the old lady's pilfering from me. You would think she would use some of that money to buy some wrinkle cream. God knows she needs it!

And money isn't the only thing I think she's taking. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate, too, especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I just can't keep that stuff in the house anymore. She must really have a sweet tooth. But she'd better watch it because she's really packing on the pounds! I think she realizes that, and to make herself feel better, she's tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she's really quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going in my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit or messing with my files and papers so I can't find them. This is particularly annoying since I am an extremely neat and organized person. She fiddles with my VCR to make it not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed it to record.

She's found many imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets to my mail, newspapers and magazines before I do and somehow blurs the print so badly that I can't see it. And she's done something sinister to the volume controls to my TV, radio and telephone so that all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things, like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier, and all my knobs and faucets hard to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting in and out of it is a real challenge. Furthermore, she gets to my groceries before I get them put away and applies super glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open them. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?

I don't even get any respite at night because more than once her snoring has awakened me. It's so unattractive! And if that weren't enough, she's no longer confining her tactics to the house. She's found a way to sneak in my car and follow me everywhere. She's taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she tries on the same outfit and monopolizes the dressing room mirror. She looks totally ridiculous in it and keeps me from seeing how great it looks on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came with me to get my driver's license picture taken and, just as the shutter clicked, she jumped right in front of me! Who's going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me?

She's walking on very thin ice now and if she keeps this up, I swear I will have her put away! But then, on second thought, maybe I shouldn't be too hasty. I think I'll check with the IRS and see if I can claim her as a dependent.

Happy Blogging!

Kay