Sunday, April 25, 2010

Still Buried

I have been busy trying to get as much done as possible before Tuesday when I start my temporary assignment with the Census Bureau. This week I won't be around much because I'll be working 8-hour days. The ensuing weeks will be part-time so that will be easier and better for me.

* This quote rattling around in my poor demented, damaged brain for ages and has been very much with me since Friday night and a point of contention:

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.”

I'm not certain who said it but I think it's very good advice that I have failed to heed more times than I care to think about. Silly me.

One thing I understand is that the business world is important and I am more than willing to work with that so when Jeff called and said he was going to go play golf with his partner, his partner's son and a important potential client, I just said, "Have fun!" and reminded him that we had Lynda's fund raiser at 6:30. He said he would be here on time to go to supper first and added that landing this account could mean that he could completely retire which he has really wanted for a while. Good stuff!!!

A few hours later he called (probably from the 19th hole) and said that the gentleman (who obviously had no wife/S.O.) was insisting that they have dinner and talk more so he would meet me at the gallery. I was a bit disappointed but did my best not to say a word and said I'd go ahead and he could catch up with me later at the gallery.

* The fund raiser was a triumph!!!! The cakes were beautiful and yummy, the wine excellent, the art fabulous!!!!! And the band was absolutely great -- lots of the really great rock classics that everyone enjoyed. Saw lots of old friends and acquaintances and met some really lovely new ones. Danced my lil' heart out! By 9 o'clock, however, I was starting to get a tad annoyed. No Jeff. The cake auctions began and I wound up buying one -- partially because I was getting annoyed. (I'll show you a photo as soon as Lynda's husband emails it to me. I forgot my camera.) He finally arrived about 10 full of apologies, a hug for me and handed Lynda a nice check. I was angry and I still am and I think I'm going to stay that way for a while. I am tired of people in my life who don't consider me a priority despite my best efforts on their behalf.

* In the course of the evening I had had a couple conversations with alleged friends who asked why I hadn't called. Why? Because when I do, they don't return them and I said as much so I stopped calling. I make time for people who are important to me. That's what friends and family are supposed to do.

Jeff keeps calling and apologizing and wants to talk. I don't. I am cranky and tired; I said my piece and now I just want some space so I can concentrate on what I need to do for me. Am I wrong? Maybe. It won't be the first time and it certainly won't be the last. I'll get through it but I'll be damned if I'm going to be anybody's doormat.

This is my song for today as I try to get things done. I think "don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy" is damned good advice. I tend to do that too much.

Hope y'all are having a great day!!!!!

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!



  1. Kay, you are far too quick to come out fighting. You are definitely being too hard on Jeff, if the reason he gave you is true.

    That's my opinion and I'm sticking to it.

  2. Linda: Actually, this sort of thing is a recurring theme and I usually just ignore it bit it gets old.

  3. Anonymous5:06 PM

    I would have felt the same way if David had done that to me. After all, Jeff could have told the guy to have lunch with him the next day as Jeff had a prior commitment that night.

    If what Jeff does is a recurring theme, then I say to forget him and find someone better.

  4. Wow, Kay. I think I would be mad too. I'm in agreement with you. You shouldn't be anybody's "Damn Doormat".
    that's my opinion and I'M sticking to it.

  5. This is a bit of a one-sided story, and I can understand why you don't want to be a doormat. I'm lucky in that I want to accept people's apologies, and mostly, I don't regret it. But that's me.

  6. Anonymous10:48 PM

    I don't have an opinion here, except to say that at some point, you add up the pros and cons and decide if you're better off with 'em or without 'em. Hope that your week goes well!!!

  7. You and Jeff have been friends for a long time, Kay, so even though you are feeling under-appreciated right now, I know the two of you will patch things up. Hope your work week goes well.

  8. I totally agree with you, Kay. I, too, lived with that pattern of behavior. I trimmed all my aspirations to my husband's needs and slighted my own. I found that his attitude was summed up by "my goals are our goals and yours you have to fit in around the edges." Jeff showed his priority when he blew off his previous commitment to you and you are not a priority. I think you should stay mad but I don't expect he will understand why you are mad even after you explain it to him--again. If he is anything like my husband was--he will somehow turn the matter back on you for 'not understanding.' Stick to your guns, girl.

  9. A total lack of respect on his part.Remember gal, be the hammer not the nail when its called for. Thanks for the vid I love that band

    Their "Take it Easy" had relevance in my life waaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the day lol

  10. Gigi: Who's looking?

    Annie: It turns out that I wasn't alone. There were unhappy wives, kids and grands, too.

    Lorna: I accept his apology but I get tired of playing second fiddle.

    AITBR: I've been alone for 10 years and I'm okay with that. I've finally learned to stand up for myself.

    Fran: Indeed!!!! We're having dinner tonight to talk.

    Mary: I wasn't alone. There were upset wives, kids and grands, too. There's sort of a unwritten law that weekends are for family.

    GFB: Glad for the male input. Always helps. I love the Eagles --I've been enjoying Joe Walsh's talent since we were both freshmen at Kent State in 1965 when he played in the bar bands. And yeah, it's one of my favorites of their songs.

  11. When someone consistantly does the same thing over and over...Well, that truly "gets old". I am with you. If this had been the first time...It's understandable. But...when it happens a lot...I'm not sure what one can do because it is my experience that people do not change their M.O., I'm sorry to say.....

    Looking forward to seeing the pictures of the Cake you got!

  12. I think women have always been extremely vulnerable to put their own needs and desires on the back burner to "make nice" and be the sweet gal men really want. Trouble is the sweet gals often do turn into doormats--for kids and spouses alike. I really love a lot of the comments, especially always in the back row, but I think it's only YOU who can really hear what your heart (& head)is saying. Don't quelch that voice. If he really loves you, he'll stick around.

  13. I'm with you on this, Kay. He wanted to play golf and pal around with his friend (and call it "business") and did not want to go to the fund raiser. He figured he could fix it all with a check.
    I also think there is something funny going on with him about work and money (at this distance hard to judge, but people who say they have big deals going that are going to make them rich are not on the level. In my experience, people who have big deals going don't talk about them until the deal is done.)

  14. Naomi: No, they don't and yes, it does. Someday I might tell the whole history but I doubt it. It'd what keeps me hesitant and distant.

    Alice: Thank you!!!!

    Hattie: Maybe. But it isn't about money -- he has a boatload and stands to inherit more. It's about his partner and his son being able to buy him out. Then the big kid can go play. :)


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