Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Update -- All Stressed Out with No one to Choke

On Monday, when I arrived at my first meeting, I discovered that no one let me know the correct time so I was late which grates on my obsessive-compulsive soul. The meeting that followed was equally stressful. And the main meeting was worse. I was half in tears by the time I left and had a really weird headache after I got home that made me a bit nervous. I went to bed in hopes that I'd feel better and when I wakened, I did seem a bit better.

Tuesday was a very stressful day and Wednesday not much better. It began with a mandatory "job club" meeting. That is, it was yet another nag-nag-nag about why we old ladies can't get a job. (We're old, dammit! Never mind that we are hard-working, and intelligent and reliable. We are no longer young and pretty and in the real world that is paramount.) I had the added joy of being told that I had to see the director afterward -- never a good thing. I am actually one of few people in this program who actually sends out resumes and goes on interviews but I get singled out for abuse.

Her dictum was that I have two weeks to write a grant so Jeff can hire me. I've never written a grant in my life. I've taken a couple classes in grant writing and have been considering going to the main library to talk with the grant expert they have on staff there. Now I have no choice. I can do it. I have to -- The Bitch Goddess has spoken. (more about this later)

I went home to discover that my power had been turned off and the stress I was feeling grew by leaps and bounds. I grabbed my financials and headed down to HEAP (Home Energy Assistance) to see what was wrong -- I had not only paid my bill, I had paid extra as I am wont to do. Since I'm low income, I have to use their service. When they ran into road blocks I fell apart. Those are some really good women. They went the extra mile and found the mistake that caused the problem. Hallelujah and Amen! My power was restored. I was a wreck when I got home and took one of my anti-anxiety pills in hopes that I'd feel better. It didn't work and I felt worse -- my neck hurt and I was getting stabbing pains in my skull. I finally went to the Care Center and they decided that I needed to be transported to the hospital ER for an emergency CAT scan. (I was upset that they were separating me from Miss Ruby.) They gave me a couple shots to calm me down and ran the scan. I guess I checked out okay because they gave me a scrip, told me to make an appointment with my doctor ASAP and arranged for security to take me back to Miss Ruby and I drove myself home and put myself to bed after writing here.

Wednesday when I awakened I still felt like death and called the program office and they said I couldn't go back to work until I had a note from my doctor so I said I'd bring down my paperwork from the doctor and did. It wasn't specific enough, so I went home, called Jeff and explained why I wouldn't be there. He was great and told me to rest. I also told him about the grant stuff and he said, "Is she nuts? I'll talk to her." I got an appointment with my doctor for today so hopefully I'll be okay and can go to work. I had to go get my scrip filled and I stopped by Heggy's for a bag of their wondrous chocolates and dropped it off as a 'thank you' to the lovely ladies at HEAP. When they heard I wound up at ER, they said they weren't surprised. They were also very grateful for my gift.

When I got home I looked at my scrip and googled it. It turned out to be migraine medication. I decided that wasn't kosher and refuse to take it. The doc and I will slug that out this afternoon. I put myself to bed for a couple hours and got up in time to drag myself to the neighborhood association. meeting and came home. My neck is aching and I'm going back to bed. I probably should call the hospital but I'm inclined to believe that's a wasted effort. Poor people don't get good care.

I apologize for this and hope I have better news ahead. Just keep in mind that I'm a survivor and that I will prevail although I wonder why.

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  1. I'm sorry - keep prevailing!

  2. Dear Kay,

    You certainly have had a run of tough luck and I'm sorry to hear about it.

    But, you are a survivor,Kay, and you will get through this just like you got through all the other bad things in your life.

    Every time you get down you are like cream and always rise to the top again.

    Good luck.....

  3. I hope your stress level - and your headaches - are over soon!!

  4. Thank y'all!!!!!! This whole thing is becomong more than I can handle alone. And there's no one who I feel comfortable asking to help. Experience has taught me that I'm in this alone. Thank God The Man isn't around to tell me how stupid I am.

  5. Kay
    Sending get well wishes and lots of big bear hugs over to you.

    Bear((( )))

  6. Yikes, I miss a few weeks and look what happens! Hang in there.

  7. Kay, you are NOT stupid!! Migraine's manifest in odd ways and sometimes a lot of stress will set them off -- I hope that isn't what you're experiencing -- having had them since I was about 6 years old I wouldn't wish that on anyone

    I'll keep you in my prayers that all works out for you -- do you have a priest you feel comfortable enough with to just talk? Sometimes just a non-judgemental listener works wonders

    Take care

  8. Kay, I've had a rough week; and after waking up at 3:30 a.m. a few days ago, I vowed not to take myself too seriously.

    Re: the grant: You can do it! I received the full amount of funding I requested for the first grant I ever wrote.

  9. I am so sorry you have been feeling so rotten lately. I too have tension and stress headaches and neckaches and they are no fun.
    I hope things are better for you now. You seem like a very strong and determined lady, so keep it up and do not let the "ole woman" (who said you had to write a grant) get to you:)

  10. Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. I hope by the time you get this message you are feeling MUCH better!

    Lots of hugs to you.


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