Just When You Think Life Is Going Okay . . .

I started out today determined to accomplish a lot of errands and shopping today. It had warmed up above freezing, most of the snow melted, the roads were clear and the sun was smiling upon us. Tomorrow they're predicting ice storms so I figured I'd best get going today. I had decided that I would begin with lunch at my buddy Phil's restaurant as I've been craving biscuits and gravy and he makes them so very well. I got up there and he closed early so I skipped lunch and went my merry way to the deep-discount drug store I love.

They carry all manner of things above and beyond what the average drugstore has at unbeatable prices and it's always an adventure to go there because one never knows what will find. I bought a Christmas gift for a friend's little fella saving about five bucks and a 2008 desk calendar that sells for $14.95 elsewhere for a mere 99 cents in addition to saving hugely on the prescription and other personal things I needed -- and I just remembered that I forgot a couple things. Some day I'll make a list -- like when hell freezes over. LOL

I headed to the grocery because the larder was looking like Old Mother Hubbard's cupboard and the Diet Coke supply was exhausted. As I was leaving I ran into an guy who I met when I was still riding the bus for transport (and think is a huge pain in the you-know-what). He gave his standard greeting, "Hello Gorgeous and Beautiful!" and asked me to have coffee with him. I said no thank you and told him to give the blarney up now and kept going. I am definitely not interested his brand of B.S.

A while back I made what I consider a spectacular find: a real, genuine, full-service gas station!!! You know the kind -- where they wash the windshield, check the oil and water, and replace things like headlights, etc., and have a mechanic on duty. It was my next stop and I got Miss Ruby all filled up and checked out. It costs a few cents more than the do-it-yourself stations but I think it's worth it. It saves the aggravation of doing those silly but essential things myself and since I really don't use a lot of gas, I'm not complaining. That it's not far from my place is excellent!

I headed out to the major shopping area of the county because there were a few things I needed to check out. I pride myself on avoiding the holiday traffic jams out there and today was no exception. Yeah, it involves taking a bit longer routes but I think it offsets sitting in traffic jams. Why anyone insists upon making left hand turns in that mess astounds me. I picked up what I needed/wanted at one center and headed to another where I wanted to see if they had what Richard -- my decorator and great friend -- suggested for a window treatment in my living and dining rooms. I didn't find what I was looking for but I found a gorgeous dress for New Year's Eve for a killer price (now I get to pray for somewhere to wear it -- wanna help?) as well as some leather gloves at a great price and a really cute top.

As I was standing in the long line at the checkout and chatting with another elder lady, I turned white, broke out in a cold sweat, and became horribly dizzy. The nice lady called for help and a manager came and helped me to a bench where I laid down and she called the paramedics. Lying down helped and by the time the paramedics came I was feeling a bit better. They put me in the van and asked a lot of questions and checked my BP and it was low. My blood sugar was okay, too. They wanted to take me to the hospital and asked if I had someone to come get me there. I explained that I hadn't eaten and between that and the store's being very hot, it just caused the attack and I probably just needed to get something to eat. And no there wasn't anyone I felt comfortable calling for help. There really isn't. I learned long ago that while I have a very wide circle of acquaintance, there are damned few people who are there when I really need them so I don't ask anymore -- it just disappoints me.

Paramedic: "Don't you have a husband?"
Me: Puh-leeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase!
Paramedic: "How 'bout your kids?"
Me: "They live out of state."
Paramedic: "Your neighbor?"
Me: "She doesn't have a car."
Paramedic: " You can't tell me you don't have a boyfriend."
Me: "I sure can. I can also tell you that I'm not going to the hospital."
Paramedic: "You really should go -- we don't want you driving."

I finally told him that I wouldn't go because I was feeling better and I don't have health insurance but what I would do is go to a nearby Arby's and sit down and eat and see if that helped. AND if I still felt rocky I would call a cab and go home or to the hospital that way. I did what I promised and went to Arby's had a sandwich and Jamocha shake that did the trick. I even went back to the store and got my stuff.

I got in my car and drove myself home and unloaded my stuff and felt okay. I took my medication for panic attacks which I suspect was part of the problem and after resting a bit, got ready to take myself out to dinner as planned. I headed up to the pub and sat down to chat with a casual friend and ordered dinner. And I was fine.

Right now the malaise that's been bothering me off and on for a while is very much with me. Since I left my husband, I've done a pretty lousy job of re-building my life. That my kids are far away doesn't help; that I didn't have a car for so long hasn't helped; that I am intensely independent doesn't help and that I'm mostly so broke I can't pay attention doesn't help. The year and a half I spent listening to The Man didn't help either although I was actually fairly happy through most of it. I don't know what the answers are but I think I need to find some -- like yesterday. Sigh. Not to worry, my friends -- I just needed to vent! The good news is that I always land on my feet. I am, if nothing else, a survivor.

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay