Friday, October 23, 2009

Update and Some Thoughts: Random and Otherwise

Kay's World hasn't been my favorite place to be these past few weeks. It has been difficult at best and writing about it doesn't seem to be the answer because it just upsets me all over again. In short, it was an ugly summer. Tears are a daily event. Gallows humor is all I have left. If y'all recall, I've said here before: gallows humor is better than none at all. However, after a while it wears thin if that's all a body can muster for too long.

However, after wasting a lot of time with assorted nonsense, I am more or less back and face the daunting task of catching up with all y'all and bringing y'all up to speed with Kay's Wonderful World. And if y'all don't want to hear about it, I will understand. I really don't want to write about it but since we have had a long friendship here I think I owe y'all an explanation. Please bear with me as I get my poor, demented mind back on track and writing here.

I spent hours here today just going through email and there are two other accounts I haven't even logged into that need attention -- and I haven't really gotten Facebook straightened out yet. My great friend AQ left a note on my wall at Facebook and made an excellent suggestion for the two of us. He retains his high position on my Favorite People List (always somewhere in the Top Ten) and all I can say is: "You're on, my friend!"

Since my disappearance here I have been in the throes of a malaise that doesn't want to go away: a) I don't want to eat; b) I don't want to go anywhere; c) I either don't sleep or I sleep all the time ; d) I've pretty much isolated myself -- then again, no one here seems to worry about it 'cause the phone hasn't rung in weeks. A psychic long ago told me that I was alone and always going to be alone. It seems she was right and it sucks, to put it bluntly if crudely.

Here are a few random things that may explain the malaise I've been experiencing.

* Communication: When my purse was stolen last summer, my cell phone was in it and all my telephone numbers so I haven't been able to call those of you I chat with now and again. Help me out, okay? I learned a lesson here and won't soon forget it.

* Government-funded health care: Now that I'm on Medicare/Medicaid I'm learning about a lot of things. The best example is that it's taking at least 90 days until I can get approval for the dental work I need. In the meantime, I am embarrassed to be seen in public and only make necessary trips out. And if they don't approve it, I may never see anyone again. So much for the idea some people have of my "meeting someone" which isn't/won't be a part of the grand plan for me should I decide to make one. Do we really want bureaucrats making such decisions?

* Health: I do have a new doctor in an excellent practice -- I just can't see her until November 6th. In the meantime, I am still without medications and have some interesting new symptoms. I had wanted to go up to Toledo again to see my stepmom and the city before snow appears across the Buckeye State but I can't drive on the Turnpike or cross the scary bridge without medication and a panic attack isn't my cuppa in either situation. Sigh.

* Family: You've all read it when I've said that my family put the 'dis' in disfunctional and it still holds true and that's all I'm going to say on that here. Sigh.

* A funny: my brother the 1st Sarge in Kuwait/Iraq found my blog. It seems he googled the 762nd and my blog was like 3rd on the list. He laughed about it and sent the link out.

* How bad is it? I haven't been keeping up with my Ohio State Buckeyes as well as I should. I forget to turn on the game but you can bet I won't miss the Michigan game and am practicing the song "I Don't Give a Damn for the Whole State of Michigan" in preparation.

Well this is a longggggggg ramble -- even for me -- and so I'm going to end this by sending all y'all bundles of hugs and good thoughts and hope y'all come by and see me. I promise that I will try mightily to be here for you if not daily, at least often enough not to make you worry!!!

Gotta go get Facebook in order and get caught up on all y'all!!!!! This looks like a job for Batman and I seem to have misplaced my cape. LOL

Happy Blogging!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



  1. Sorry to hear you have gone through such a rough spot. Hold on there, and hopefully the dental work will be approved and your new doctor can help with the medication. Hard to figure out what I can say, other than I am thinking of you with kind thoughts.

  2. Welcome back, we missed you.

  3. Nancy8:45 AM

    Dear Kay,

    I was so happy to check in here today and find you HOME....

    Sorry about all the troubles you have been having and can only hope that things will get better for you soon.

    We all missed you and I know that because of all the Emails and such that have been exchanged between us in the hope that someone had news of you and knew that you were OK.

    Good luck to you....

  4. Glad you are back. I can understand the feeling. Everything happens at once and is overwhelming Nothing goes right or is at all satisfying. Problems seem insurmountable. Been there, done that. Can't really tell you how to get out of it because each situation is so personal. But don't forget that we are here and sometimes talking, or writing, can help. I, for one, don't mind listening, or reading.

  5. Well, I am totally relieved to hear from you for one thing. I was sure you must have been physically too ill to blog or let us know what was going on for that long a time. I know there were many of us who were worried about you. We knew you had a lot on your plate to be concerned about...and we were worried that maybe it all became too much....even as strong as you are. We all go through tough times...and God knows you've had your share sweetie. You are one of the most resilient ladies I know. Keep on going Kay...and we'll keep on going with you. Thank you for this post....Lots of Love, Joy

  6. Hi, kiddo its good to hear from you. Sorry, about everything that you're going thru. But we are here for you.

    My Uncle Richard had an accident and lost an eye. My grandfather (a doctor) told him to hold his head up high and to look every man in the eyes. It doesn't matter what other people think Kay, you hold your head up high and smile.

    And you know what, you are never going to be alone. You will always have us here and your friends on facebook. Your physic was wrong.

    Hang in there, we are always here for you :)

  7. Sorry to hear how things have been going and hope they do approve the dental. It's hard to imagine how callous our system has been for so many things. I also hope your new doctor can give you some help with the anxiety/panic attacks. I suffer from those also; so know how it can be limiting. I hope things are looking up soon.

  8. I am so relieved that you are back on line, even though things are not good right now. We did worry so about you when we didn't hear anything for so long.

    I hope things look up soon because I know from my daughter's experience how debilitating depression and panic attacks are. I hope the doctor can help with that.

    Hang in there; you will get help in two weeks and I am glad that you won't have to worry about paying the doctor, at least.

  9. You have taken a gigantic step by getting back to blogging. Write, write, write. You have many friends on line and we are all good listeners.

  10. Lia: Thank you!!!! I need them!

    Colleen: I missed y'all, too!

    Nancy: It's okay. I always muddle through.

    Mary: You nailed it, gal!

    Joy: Awwwwwwwww you sweetie!!!

    LTTS: I'm not sure you're right but I hope you are.

    Rain: Thanks -- we talked about some of this and I will land on my feet but the leaps are getting tough for this old gal.

    Darlene: Thank you. Catching up is gonna take a while but I will try to get things going asap.

    Maria: Always a friend -- Thanks!!!!

  11. I'm sorry you've been having such a bad time. Hope you're getting better, now.

  12. Kay, it is good to hear from you again, even if that news is not what we might wish for you. I'm sorry you've had such a bad summer, and I hope that fall and winter will prove more interesting and fulfilling.

  13. That was a good, focussed update. sorry so much has been going wrong. Use your network of support to boost you, and keep connected. Look in on Fran, Redondowriter---Cookie is failing.

  14. I wondered when you were going to return. Whew! Good to know that you are alive and have some light at the end of the tunnel. That is Nov6th. Does the office know that if anyone should cancel their appt before that date, that you can be there in a heartbeat? That worked for me last year moving up my initial visit[in my case, a pulminologist]. I called asking about a cancellation and got in 3 weeks earlier.
    I'm hoping that you have someone reaching out a hand as a lifeline. One day at a time. Better days are coming. Keep checking in with us[blogging friends] 'cause we worry!!

  15. I'll add my welcome here at the end, but it's no less sincere! I personally feel great relief and hope the new doctor pans out and that the dental request goes through. Dental care should be automatically covered in Medicare! I can't imagine why it isn't. Good luck, Kay. I so glad to hear from you again.

  16. welcome back, chica!! missed you!

  17. I'm just happy to see you back, Kay. I'm so sorry for the aggravation you've been stuck in. That's no fun! I'm sending you lots of Hawaiian sunshiny hugs and vibrations.

  18. Every so often I checked your blog and you were just putting up your "groaner of the week."

    Thought something was not going right for you. Sorry you had such a bad summer.

    Putting up this post is a very good sign. Hope you get GOOD help and feel BETTER.

    Lots of hugs

  19. Betty: Trying mightily.

    Judy: I should be used to things like this by now. 'Blindsided' should be my middle name. I will survive.

    Lorna: (shrug) Just what happens when you walk in my shoes.

    Mare: Always a light at the end of the tunnel. And yeah, I told them the sooner the better. No one appears to have noticed or cares that I'm not around. It's okay -- been through it before. Sooner or later, I land on my feet.

  20. Alice: I know -- you are one of the dearest of my dear ones here. I will get through it.

    M.E.: Missed ya, too!!!! Be over to visit soon!!!! Gonna beat ya at Sudoku on Facebook, too! LOL

    Kay: Thanks!!!! Those Hawaiian hugs feel sooooo very nice on a cold grey rainy Ohio day. (What happened to Indian summer?)

    (((((Millie))))) Don't you worry gal -- I'm a tough old bird and I will be fine soon.

  21. Just know you are loved and were missed. I too have been a bit distracted with my life, so I haven't been posting as much either, or reading. Glad to see you come back to life, even if it sucks.
    you are loved. <3
    Go Buckeyes. Sending you good thoughts, loves and good wishes for all to get better.
    <3 <3 <3

  22. Well, Welcoome Back Kay.....It's good to see you still have your sense of humor through all the Trials and Tribulations---I KNOW it is hard as hell sometimes to conjure it up, but I find if I can squirt some humor out, it can lightens the load a teeny tiny bit.
    Good to have you bacj blogging, my dear!

  23. Wow! So glad you're online with us again. Sounds like Churchill's "black dog" clamped his jaws on ya. Bite 'im back!

    Sometimes I think we do spend time with "assorted nonsense." We just get caught up in and can only see the futility of it all after the fact, so don't be too hard on yourself.

    Can't be easy with family not meeting expectations -- there's just no accounting for it sometimes.

    Hope you make certain you get adequate nutrition and hydration, even if it's at your minimum needs level.

    Hope you can get your sleep schedule squared around, 'cause when that's erratic for very long it can really upset all the rest of your functions and life.

    Good that you're coming out of isolation, if only in the blogosphere.

    How about those guys in Iraq reading your blog!!! You should feel good that you can give them laughs they likely need with some of those tall tale funnies.

    Think the Buckeyes really need your attention. Expect this Mich. game should be exciting as usual. They're gonna need you to root them on -- even in your living room.

    I think it's incredible you're having to wait on your meds, but the various States' Medicaid programs haven't gotten better in recent years. A single payer national system just might be better. Am hoping your teeth issue is cosmetic and not interfering functionally with eating or giving you pain.

    Can sympathize with your cell phone/purse loss. I recently lost my cell phone, but thank heavens I had intentionally listed very few numbers. Hope you were able to get a phone replacement -- sounds like you have one.

    Forget about Batman. Maybe it's time to be Wonder Woman. Yeah, I know, I don't think she had a "Wondermobile."

  24. I just found your blog and after a week of volunteering in a Mayan Village in Belize, I see things differently. I wish you positive thoughts and don't forget we are all here to help and listen to one another.

  25. sorry you've had such a tough time -- I'm really glad to see you "back in the saddle" at blogland

    be kind to yourself!

  26. You seem to be so fragile. We have all missed you but somehow our words don't seem to give you the lift we so want to supply. You are swarming with troubles and sometimes our prayers are all we can give. Just know that when you need time off again, we'll all be praying for you, thinking of you and wishing you well. Meanwhile, welcome back!

  27. Ah, such a treat to see an update from you. I think I can speak for everybody else that we love ya and keep you in our thoughts. Keep the faith - things will get better.

  28. Kay;

    We all go through tough times and need a rest from everything. I'm glad you're back now . I missed you and your Friday groaner!
    Take care!

  29. Annie: As always, you are a sweetie and a great friend!

    Naomi: Glad to see you!!! Appreciate your kindness!!!!!

    GW: If you don't understand the situation, perhaps the best thing to say is nothing. You haven't a clue as to who I am or what I live with. My friends here know the hell I have walked through. Thanks for stopping by.

    Jo: Happy Blogoversary!!!! I'll be okay -- you know those of us blessed to be born and bred Buckeyes are tough cookies. I may be down but I am never ever out.

    Bev: Thanks!!! It's good to be here. Now if I ever get caught up . . . sigh.

    Annie: I feel fragile. All my emotions and nerve endings feel exposed and it;s scary. I'm trying to get back to being a tough cookie and keep reminf=ding myself that I've been through worse. I'll be okay. Coming back to y'all is a good step.

    Volly: Awwwwwwwww thanks!!!! If I ever get caught up I can get back to my normal ranting and raving!!!!

  30. You are right. Sorry.

  31. GW: accepted. Don't be afraid to stop back. I'm really quite friendly and not hard to get along with mostly. I'll be by to check out your blog soon.

  32. How 'bout them Bucks! You sent all the right vibes their way.

  33. Jo: Somrbody HAD to do something!!!! LOL It was their birthday present to you, dear!

  34. Ah, Kay. Sorry to hear what a crappy few months you've had. Dealing with the bureaucracy in health care, or anything really, is totally frustrating, I know.

    I KNOW the dental approval will come through--and I bet you are going to really bond with your new doctor. Those are my predictions.

    I will e-mail you my phone # since it sounds like you "lost us" when your purse got stolen.


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